We are trained from an early age to believe that “too much” is bad. It is communicated to us in all sorts of subtle ways that having too much of anything is a problem.

But what does too much actually mean? It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are greedy if you want too much, or that you are inappropriate or overwhelming if you are told that you are being too much, or if you feel like your energy is too much for people.

That said, not all “too much” energy is the same, and the difference matters. One kind makes others uncomfortable because they haven’t yet allowed themselves their own wholeness — and someone who has can feel threatening, even infuriating. That’s their work to do, not yours.

But there is another kind of “too much” that genuinely does suck all the air out of the room, because it needs to override or control in order to feel powerful or seen.

Your wholeness does not give you the right to impose your energy on other people. There is a real difference between a sovereignty that is complete in itself, and an energy that can only feel whole by diminishing someone else.

And this is something that we move in and out of, because there are times where we get destabilised and we move to a different pattern of behaviour. That might be people-pleasing, it might be disruption, it might be controlling; essentially it is whatever has got us results or that has helped us to feel safe in the past. Whether we feel safe when everyone else is happy and peace is being kept, even if it’s at a cost to our expression, or whether it is that we need to be right, and so we have to browbeat everyone else into accepting our viewpoint, there are different default patterns that can run.

When it comes to “too much,” it’s very easy to see where you might stifle yourself to your detriment. But it’s helpful to also look at where you might also stifle yourself for success. Where in your work or in your relationships or in your life are you not allowing the wholeness of your being, and why is that?

There might be good reasons, and this might be something that you are comfortable with. In the long term, it might be more worth it to you to maintain the stifling of “too much” in certain areas than it is to allow the wholeness of your being there. And there’s no judgment on that. It’s simply useful to see it, and to see why it’s there, and why it developed, and what you are getting out of it. Perhaps you contain your intensity in a professional environment because the stability it offers you is essential, or you smooth down your sharper points in a relationship because the harmony that is the result there is something you value more. That is not a failure or something to beat yourself up about, but it is a choice, and there is wisdom in knowing the difference.

I know this territory as someone who has lived both sides of it. For me, it has been a journey throughout my entire life of balancing my own energy and wholeness with what I can see people want from me. The blessing of my gift of seeing is that I can know very quickly what people need. I learned early on that if I was to give people what they need or what they want (which of course are not always the same things) that I was liked, that I was accepted, that I was safe. And I used that very efficiently. I used that as a way of being successful. That pattern of contortion and distortion, of over-giving, of under-charging in my business, this wasn’t something that was purely detrimental to me. It worked for me in a lot of ways.

And yet, there has been an unravelling in the past ten years of that pattern, and an understanding that the energy that I hold and the work that I do is not for everyone. Not everyone wants to be around me in my wholeness. And I needed to come to terms with that. And to trust that those that who do really see me for who I am, all the aspects of me, and accept me in that space.

For a long time, the Dragons were the face of my work — a channelled presence that became, to be honest, a place to hide behind. It was easier for people to receive what came through when it showed up under that name rather than mine. And again, it worked. But since I stepped out from behind them, since I started saying this is my work, or this is my work with the Dragons rather than this is the Dragons, there has been a drop-off in engagement and interest. I expected that. And I’ve made my peace with it. Everything that comes through me still comes through me, still works in the exact same way. The channel hasn’t changed, the collaboration hasn’t changed. Only my willingness to put my name on it has.

This has been essential to my wholeness. It felt too stifling to continue the way I was. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I know that I feel more excited about my work and my life than I have in a very long time. I feel like this inner tension, this inner coiled energy, finally has space to breathe. It’s still a work in progress. It’s still unfolding. There are parts that are really uncomfortable. And that’s okay. Nothing that I’ve moved through in the last year has been more uncomfortable than when I was feeling most stifled.

Choosing to be fully seen, to be too much, will cost you something. What I have experienced is though, is that the cost of not being seen, not being in your unique too-muchness, is so much higher. So here’s to Too Much.